Thursday, November 24, 2011

The Gift of Ava...

I want to try to write out more of Ava's adoption story tonight.

May 3rd, in the afternoon, Nick and I are getting ready to head down to Woodburn for a dress rehersal to a wedding he is one of the groomsmen in.
We get a call from Roxanne, our amazing caseworker.
Zac & Lacey have chosen you. Her due date is next week.
We had our answer. We were going to be parents again.
It was a crazy busy weekend, one where we told the bride and groom of the possibility that we might be going to the hospital for our baby at a moment's notice. :) One that while I went with a friend to the outlet stores the morning of the wedding while Nick got ready, and we looked for baby girl clothes. Deep down inside there was a fear of wondering would I have to bring them back if they changed their mind as well once she was born...
I did a little more shopping that Sunday after church and hoped I had everything I needed.
Monday around 12 we got a phone call letting us know Lacey went into labor, and that once they got to the hospital and got settled, maybe we could come visit her and Zac... I took Josiah over to my parents just to be prepared.
So we waited, and then after 3 o'clock we got another phone call letting us know Lacey had given birth to her baby girl, and everything went well. That maybe we could come visit them that night, but they would let us know a little later.
As I waited, without my busy two year old to keep my thoughts distracted, I went into super cleaning mode. Nesting if you will :) I cleaned and cleaned and got my home spick and span, drawing up lots of dust into dustclothes and cleaned more. We got the phonecall early evening that they would like us to come meet her, and we could talk about names.
That was a relief in some ways to me, because with the last adoption that fell through, the baby boy had already been named when we got there.
I tried to go in with an open mind. The one thing I told Nick was the middle name I wanted to hold my ground on. I really loved the middle name "Hope," it represented all that I had anticipated in this process, what kept me going these last months of waiting without answers.
We went in and there she was. This beautiful tiny delicate 6lb 1 ounce baby girl with these big eyes that peered right into a person's soul. The nurse had superglued a purple bow onto her tiny bit of hair. As I held her I wondered if this was really happening.

We talked about names. I originally thought about Madeline, because I loved the name Maddie. They weren't to keen on it, so I went back to my list of names that I had, and when I read the name Ava, my name from the November adoption, that I had laid to rest, and they loved it. Lacey had a middle name she really liked as well, so we decided to give her two middle names: Ava Mae Hope.

Ava means: filled with life. Mae means: gift of God. Hope means to me: Our hope in Christ.

We left the hospital, 2 nights away from the possibility of her being our baby girl.

It was a week of Seven at our church. This was a week of fasting and praying for our city. I am terrible at fasting. I want to be good at it, but honestly it is not something that I do well at. But I decided that I would take the Tuesday of waiting and try to fast. Nick took that day off, saying he would not be much use at work while waiting. I went to the early morning worship they had at church. I got to show our pastor Phil and others the picture of Ava from the hospital the night before. Then I drove it by to show my mom, at the preschool she worked at. I took some time on that beautiful sunny day and sat at summerlake park, praying, reading my bible, thinking, and just enjoying that moment of quiet.

The night before, right after my big cleaning frenzy, I started to feel funny. I couldn't lay my finger on it. By 2pm Tuesday, I was not feeling well, and Nick thought I should eat something. I still did not feel well, and I started to develop the chills, and took a rest. The fever would not go away, so I took some tylenol, and felt better, until it wore off again.

This continued straight into Wednesday, when we were waiting for the phone call of when Zac and Lacey would have us come, to pick up Ava and say goodbyes. I remember laying on the bed with the chills and a fever that early afternoon, thinking to myself, I can't do this, I am not feeling well, I don't know what is wrong with me. This is not how it is suppose to go.

But at 2pm, we got the call to come back to the hospital. Tylenol had kicked in again, and I got myself out of bed and we headed out.

We saw them for a little bit, and waited in another room while they said their good byes to Ava, and signed final documents. Around 5:30, they were ready to go, and we walked out of the hospital with them. Zac carried Ava in our carseat carrier, and Ava's hand was firmly wrapped around Lacey's finger.

This was not something I was prepared for at all. When Josiah was given to us, we didn't actually watch the handing over of him to us. Seeing Zac and Lacey in tears over this loss was almost unbearable, and my heart ached for them. We stood outside the hospital for a few minutes in silence, not sure of what to do as Ava held Lacey's finger. I reached out my finger, as an offering, and Lacey accepted it and transferred Ava's hand to mine. My heart ached and continued to break. We gave them hugs, and they left first, pulling out in Zac's jeep. Then Nick went and pulled our car around, and the nurse with us gave us a comforting smile, and offered to take our picture with Ava.

After this long journey of waiting, we had been given a precious beautiful gift.
We loaded her up in our car, and left for home.

There is more I want to write about this, but for now this is good. The other stuff is things that are important to share, but I want this particular post to be about how we were given Ava.
Thank you for letting me share.

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