Tuesday, October 11, 2011

HE does know best...

So, continuing on with our second adoption story. 
This story is just not as "picture perfect" as I felt our first one was.  So it is harder to process through writing it all out.  One, I want to be sensitive to those that were involved as we walked along this journey.  And two, it is one of those situations that you can see some answers to the whys for how things went, but it doesn't always make sense.  I can look back 5 years ago and say, I totally understand - which I will share those things, but in the midst of everything, I did not fully understand. 
So, here I go. 
Middle of October.  Just a few short weeks after the falling through with our Jacey baby girl.  We get another phone call. 
Here is my post:
Oct 18, 2006

Another birth mom...

Hi friends and family -
I am excited, and just waiting on God... Bethany has another birth mom for us to meet - this next Monday - Her name is Ashley and she lives in Washington - we might get to meet the birth dad too.  I'm so excited, she is working with the same birth counselor that worked with Josiah's birth parents, Cindy, and Cindy was just so great during the whole process - we'd be so honored to do it again.  (= 
She doesn't know what she's having - which would mean it would be a surprise, but she is due they think on November 8th?  I think?  Could be the 7th... wow, so this could happen SO fast. 
Anyways, please be praying for us, we just want God's will in this - I'm so nervous - the idea of 2 kiddos???  That will be quite the responsibility.  (= 
I'm glad I am going to California this weekend - it will make everything go a lot faster.  (=
I'll be sure to keep ya'll updated. 
Thanks for the prayers! (=

We went up to meet Ashley.  She was a beautiful gal, a swimmer, in college, had family support. 
She didn't know what was she was having.  She was 8 months along, and had just found out that she was pregnant several weeks prior to our visit.  We also met with the birth dad, separately that day.  He had just found out that week.  He was in another relationship now, and was dealing with the shock of everything.  There is a lot more that was going on, but to just sum things up, it was an extremely complicated situation, where the birth parents were not talking to each other, and it just felt very...  complicated.
After we left, I wasn't sure where we stood.  The birth mom seemed pretty upbeat and ready for adoption. 
The birth dad was sorting things out.  So we waited for a few weeks.

Then we got a letter in the mail.
Here is the next post:

Nov 9, 2006

And the verdict is...

We have been chosen! 
We are so excited and in awe and just amazed the way God works in the whole adoption process.  We received a letter from our birth mom letting us know that we have been chosen.
We talked to our caseworker today, and she said the duedate is still looking like the 12th or 13th... so probably sometime next week!!!(=
So, thank you so much for your prayers - we now are just waiting for the birth - but we have plenty to take care of before then -
I'll try to blog one more time once the baby is born to let you all know when we will be going up there.
Thanks again for all your continued prayer and support -
Be Blessed!

The birthdad had come to peace with the adoption situation, and so we were officially the chosen parents of this little one.  I had a gut feeling it must be a girl.  She wasn't going to find out until birth,   so I just had this feeling in my heart we were suppose to have a girl next.  I chose the name Ava.  The Cowan's gave birth to a baby boy named Evan, and Ava was the feminine version of that name, meaning filled with life.  They would get married and live happily ever after someday... 

We received news a week later that Ashley had given birth to a baby boy.  He had a low birth weight, he weighed less than 5 lbs.  but he was doing well.   Our phone call with our caseworker left us a bit confused.  Ashley was pretty sure she still wanted to do adoption, but she just had some things she needed to talk to us about.   So we planned to go up the next morning to talk with her and meet her little boy. 

That night I went shopping with Erin Cowan for premie baby boy clothes, and was excited, but holding back a little in my heart.  Something didn't seem quite right, but I couldn't lay my finger on it... I had been expecting a girl, but hey, we would love a little boy just as much...

We got to the hospital up in Washington the next day, unprepared for what would come of this day.
The first news we weren't prepared for, was that he was being released from the hospital that day.  We didn't have any of our baby stuff, no car seat, absolutely nothing.  We started logistically trying to figure out how we would leave the hospital, go home and get everything, and then come back to get him.  We knew we would need to figure things out. 
The second thing, was when we got there, they introduced us to him, as Isaiah.  We were a little shocked, because she hadn't asked us about naming the baby.  We didn't have a solid baby boy name picked.  We knew we liked the name Micah, but we wanted to not come in with a forceful this is what we want to name our baby.  I started to think of what would need to be done to change legal documents for naming this little guy. 

And he was very little.  this beautiful baby boy.  Watching Ashley hold him, and then timidly holding him in front of her, didn't sit well. 

We left her room, and sat in the waiting room and talked with her parents and sister, while Ashely talked with her birth counselor.  We waited a long while, not sure what the outcome was going to be. 
Cindy, her birth counselor finally came in, and told us that she was going to keep the baby. 

As we left the hospital, it hit me, that my biggest fear of leaving the hospital without a baby actually had happened, for real this time.  But in a weird way, I felt a little relieved.  There was a lot of birth family dynamics that would have added a lot to our responsibilities with visits.  There was unknown health issue possibilities for little Isaiah, that would not have shown themselves right away, but could have definitely brought challenges down the road. 

The baby outcome...

Current mood:mellow
Thank you all for praying so much for us - we definitely felt them today. 
Ashley decided at this point to not choose adoption and take the baby home with her today. 
So, we are doing amazingly well in the midst of this, and just have a peace from the Lord that this is what he had for her and for us.  Nick and I are just grateful to have the final outcome of all this, and ready to move forward with our lives and look forward to celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas time with our families.  We are just very blessed for the little boy God has already given us in Josiah. 
We will be sure to keep you posted of any new possibilities down the road.
Be Blessed!
Kari & Nick & Josiah

Nick and I had been more than willing to receive this baby into our home, into our arms.  And there was definite moments of heartbreak when I returned all the baby clothes I had just purchased a few days prior.  The empty arms aching, wondering what God was doing.  I started to try to potty train Josiah just to take my mind off things, but having him pee all over the place and not feeling "safe" with him sitting on my lap without a diaper on, I decided to not push it, and held back a little longer on that task so I could just hold the little boy God had given me. 

I can look back on the reasons now and see God's hand in the midst of it.  We needed an Ava in our family.  We needed more time with just Josiah, our first child, to nurture and love just him.  I wonder if little Isaiah had grown up having special needs, would we have considered doing fertility treatment that brought us Mallory and Lena?
But in the moment, I didn't fully know what God was doing.  I would go to church on Sundays and silent tears would slide down my cheeks as they would play the Tim Hughes Everything song that God had given me as my song during this waiting period. 

So my waiting continued, and that is where I will leave you for now.

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