I have been not sure where to go next with this, because there are so many things I have been taught after I was given Josiah, about being a new mom and all that fun stuff :) But at the same time, I know that there is so much to be written about Ava and about Lena and Mallory.
Recently I looked on my old Myspace account. I still kept it active after I switched over to facebook, and I realized how much blogging I did during the time I had it. And most of the blogging was about God preparing me for Miss Ava.
I really like some of the things I wrote, so this may be cheating a little, but I think I am going to start pulling a little from the blog, and then adding any things that God has shown me in reflection since the time I wrote it, because there is nothing like the lessons you are learning at the moment, but there is also so much more in the lessons I was learning that I didn't realize I was learning until later. So in future blogs there will be the combination of both.
But first things first, I am going to share how God led us to start the adoption process again.
It was February 2006. Yup, a year later after Josiah was born. I was very exhausted from training and raising a 1 year old very hyper active toddler that was always on the go and into everything. My sweet first little baby was becoming a little boy and God was definitely teaching me to learn consistency in disciplining (something I am relearning right now with Mallory and Lena) and Nick was in school a few nights a week so I had a lot of one on one time with my Josiah. I was learning a lot about how to raise a little boy at this time, and I loved it some of the times, and other times I felt like I was walking around like a half dead mommy. :)
One night when I was feeling like the dead tired mommy, Nick was home and we decided to go out to Target with Josiah. I was pushing the cart around, with barely enough energy for the remainder of the day, when I hear these words out of Nick's mouth.
"I think it's time we start the adoption process again."
Uhh.... what? maybe we should just have our one little boy and call it good.
Looking at him with as much energy as I could muster, I responded with an unexpected fervor that shut that plan right down. I don't exactly remember my words, but they were not kind and probably involved something about him being crazy and Josiah being only one and Nick being busy all the time and this was not the day to bring up such a notion! I think I was definitely in "freaking out" mode with that response.
Nick dropped the topic pretty quick that night, and I was left with the fact that my husband had a dream placed on his heart that I was not on board with yet. Which meant I needed first, to get some sleep that night :) and then to go before the Lord and really seek out what He had for us. I needed to pray and sort things through and listen to God.
February 14th, we planned a special valentine's family date night with our friend's the Cowan's. We decided to hit up Chuck E. Cheese on Valentine's night figuring it would be pretty empty (which it was!) and let the boys (Josiah and his buddy Preston) have a fun time playing together.
That day while Josiah was taking a nap, I remember looking at the picture over the fireplace mantle. It had me and Nick with Josiah on our laps. And as I thought about it, I knew we were not complete yet. Our family was not done. And I knew what God was telling me. "It's time, Kari, trust your husband."
So, when Nick came home, I gave him his Valentine's card which told him I was willing to go on the adoption waiting list again. Nick was very excited.
I told Erin that night as our boys played, and she shared they were thinking about trying to get pregnant again too. God was conceiving in both of our hearts to be prepared for the growth of our families. It was a special night to share our hopes and dreams together with them.
|Erin and I with our boys Easter Sunday, 2006|
|Meeting Noah at the hospital|
|Meeting Ezra Becksfort at the hospital|
Then God spoke to me. I am going to post my first myspace re-blog down below :)
I just have to say to end this post is, that when we seek Him God is always good to give us that confirmation of His plans for our lives when we need it the most. Praying that He does this for you wherever you are at!
Apr 30, 2006
The Lord totally spoke to me this weekend. The verse cards that were made, I didn't realize they were not all the same until they were announced. And hearing that they had been prayed over and that each person would get a verse specifically for them, well, it totally happened. See, Nick and I are starting the adoption process again, and I've been having HUGE fears about it, and I really was hoping the Lord would speak to me to confirm it in my heart. So far it had just been a submitting to Nick's desires, and me having No Desire to do it, and tons of worries...
When I first saw my verse, I thought, oh, that's a good one. It read "You are blessed, because you believed that the Lord would do." Luke 1:45.
So, I thought, that is a great verse. Then, when I heard they were prayed over and not all the same, I realized that it was something a little more personal. And, I started to ponder that verse more, and think maybe it was my verse for this next adoption.
THEN, I went home, and this morning, I looked it up, in my NAS Bible, and here is what it read: "Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord."
That verse, is the verse the Lord gave to me, in the middle of our last infertility treatment, as we were coming close to winding down on pursuing getting pregnant, and seriously starting to consider adoption as an option. I posted that verse on my fridge, on my mirror, on my computer monitor. (It is words Elizabeth spoke to Mary when Mary had been told she would carry Jesus and birth Him into the world). I clung to that verse, because it was spoken by a woman who had walked my path, and she had faith.
So, I realized, I AM BLESSED! I am so blessed. The Lord was so faithful with bringing Josiah into our lives. So I don't need to worry. Period. I am jumping off this cliff into an unknown, but I have my amazing Savior who is going to carry me through it, and if He wills, bring about our second child in the best way He sees fit. So, I don't need to worry.
I just thought about this verse during worship times today and I couldn't help but praise the Lord with my whole heart. He was faithful to bring about what He had spoken to me the first time, and I know, although it is unknown of when and how and whom, He will be faithful to me once again.
May You Experience His faithfulness in your life today!
|Our Sunshine Smile Boy|