Monday, July 25, 2011

Being Chosen...

December.  It was getting close to Christmas.  We were all settled in our cozy new townhome, starting to put decorations up and lights on the house.  I headed to the grocery store one Monday morning, and right when I got there, Roxanne our case worker was calling on my cell phone. 

"Hi Roxanne!" 

"Hi Kari.  So, I am calling to let you know, that there is a couple who has looked at your adoption profile."   My heart began to get hopeful.  Details followed.

They actually have met with another couple, but now they aren't sure and so they are reconsidering their options.  They are expecting a little boy in January."  (My heart begins to beat a little faster with anticipation).  "The only thing is they are looking for an adoptive couple that would be willing to consider openness." 

"what type of openness?"

"Well, they aren't fully sure yet, but visits once or twice a year maybe, those things could be talked about." 

I can't explain it, other than God, but I had completely peace about this situation.  It was almost like He had given me a glimpse of what He had planned.  
See, even though I thought I wanted a girl first, I felt that God wanted us to have a boy first, to be a big brother, something I never had. 
Even though I didn't know if I wanted openness, with this birth couple living in Washington I could embrace the idea, because there would be space.  I wouldn't risk running into them into the store and being emotionally caught off guard.  So God gave me peace to be willing to consider this option. 
And the final thing, with it being right before Christmas, and right after our first niece had been born, it brought me back to when I wrote to God starting to tell Him what I wanted for Christmas and then stopped because He already knew and I just needed to trust Him. 
PEACE filled my heart... 

"Their names are Rachel and Evan.  they would like to meet you.  Can you drive up to Tacoma on Wednesday?" 
(Yes yes yes!!! my heart cried out!)
"Let me talk to Nick and we will pray about it and I will get right back to you." 
After hanging up with Roxanne I wasted no time at calling Nick and we prayed together and both had peace to pursue this.  Plans were made to go up to Tacoma in two days. 
I remember sitting in the car afterwards just glowing.  It was a beautiful sunny amazing day in December.  Even if it had been raining I think it would have been sunny to me because of HOPE.  I was beginning to see a beautiful ray of hope after all the heart ache and waiting. 

We made the drive up on Wednesday and when we got there we met our caseworker whom had also driven up.  She took us to a room and we waited for Rachel and Evan to arrive.  A few minutes later they did and we were escorted into the room with them and I began to fall in love with this couple that was before us.  I remember I was wearing a red shirt, and they both had red shirts on and we made a comment about that.  I remember seeing Evan's red hair and thinking in my head how amazing it would be to have a red headed baby.  I remember their bright smiles and how cute Rachel looked with her baby belly. 

We hit it off pretty quickly.  Again I can't explain it by anything other than God.  They asked us questions to get to know us.  They said they loved the pictures of our baby nursery, and then Evan asked if I had been hoping for a girl, and I sheepishly smiled and said, "maybe, but I would love whomever the Lord would have for us."  Rachel made a cute comment about "I believe that the Lord has ordained for us to all go the hospital right now and I will have this baby today." 

They asked us about names.  They said they would honor whatever the adoptive parents would choose.  They told us they had been thinking about William. 
We said we liked the name Josiah, that we had that name picked out since we were dating, and that it meant "fire of the Lord."  They both liked that, and we all thought it would be cool to have a red headed baby with a name that meant that.  They said, if they chose us, if we could just let them know what we decided so they would know what to put on the birth certificate that would be great. 

We left and began the drive home to Portland.  We didn't know if we had been chosen.  Everything about the visit indicated that possibility, but it ended with "we will let you know as soon as we decide." 

It was Wednesday night and we made it in time to go to our Wednesday night service at church that we LOVED.  We were surrounded and prayed for by those that were walking this path with us. 

The next day we didn't hear anything back until late afternoon.  We had been chosen.  We were going to be the adoptive parents to Rachel and Evan's baby boy.  His due date was January 7th. 

I had mentioned in a previous blog how the Lord had gave me a song in the midst of my grieving.  After I received the phone call from Roxanne I got to go back to the piano and with tears streaming down my face, my song became one of pure beautiful joy.  I called my friends with the news, and Leah and Jamie and Tricia announced they were taking me out to celebrate!  We went to Red Robin for dessert - I even tried a sip of Jamie's Bailey's Irish cream drink - which is the only time in my life I have ever had any alcohol.  :) 
To be surrounded with these friends that had walked through this season of life with me and now they were all there to share in the joy with me, I was SO grateful for this gift. 

Nick and I began preparations to be receiving a little boy.  Baby boy clothes shopping was top on the list!  We had decided to choose the name Josiah William, choosing William as a middle name to honor them by - (William means resolute protector, which in reflection now, is very applicable to a big brother with 3 little sisters) and we wrote them a note expressing our gratefulness and letting know the name we had chosen. 

We continued on with our Christmas festivities, anxiously wondering and waiting if and when we would receive a phone call that Josiah had been born.  We waited all the way through Christmas and New Years, and I will share the rest of the story another time...

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