Saturday, June 25, 2011

Figuring out today...

Reflecting once again at reality.  Two and a half years ago, Nick and I made a decision that we knew with either results we would be okay with.  We tried once last time to get pregnant.  And successfully we got a Mallory and a Lena through that.  This last year and a half has been filled with so much joyful memories and I have two more children now that I absolutely adore and am grateful to God every day for every moment that I get with each one of them.  Having children is something I never want to take for granted. 
However, sitting inside on this sunny day with one baby up really early from a very short nap, and another tucked away in a room enjoying her nap to the fullest, a part of me aches to do something.  To be adventurous with them.  Nick is gone camping with Josiah tonight, and when it would have just been Ava and I we would have found someone to hang out with and go eat somewhere or take a walk or just be around other people.  But tonight, I think we will probably stay at home, give the girls baths, and maybe play in the front yard before bed. 
Two weeks ago I made the decision to start potty training Mallory and Lena.  It was a very intense first week, one that I prayed through every moment as we began.  Nick was on a business trip, so my friend Joy came over with her kids and helped me tremendously in this.  That was a huge gift, because looking back,  I honestly can't picture jump starting potty training for both of them with out that help.  And we are no where near complete with this process (speaking from the experience of both girls having poop accidents today).  But I can be grateful that they have the basic concept down, and we will pick up from those accidents and keep moving forward. 
I am battling a bit of discontentment, and trying to figure out how to live with the life that I love.  I don't know if that statement makes sense, but I am in a season right now of that it is just easiest to be at home.  And I do love to be at home and am so VERY grateful for the home the Lord provided us with.  But there is always a battle inside of me, wanting to combine the way I was a mom before Mallory and Lena, a mom that took her kids to parks and to Omsi and to the Zoo and to playdates, and would love to plan vacations with her family, with the way I am now as a mom of four and all the labor that is involved to make one of those outings a possibility.  I just am not sure how to make that work.  I know that it is a season that will pass way too fast. I want to make each day intentional for my children and give the older two a special summer filled with lots of fun memories.  I just need to figure out how to do that at home more... 
I guess I am just wanting to always be content where I am today.  Not looking back to the way things were, nor looking ahead to how things may be, but being grateful for each moment. 
I have more thoughts I am thinking, but I am hearing Lena moving around, so I need to go get her up... and then figure out dinner. 
So the daily life that I love goes :)


  1. One of my favorite quotes that I often repeat to myself when I'm feeling as you are right now:

    "There are things to be seen and learned in these apparent wastelands which cannot be seen and learned in places of comfort, convenience, and company. God does not intend to make it no wasteland. He intends rather to keep us--to hold us with his strength, to sustain us with his sure
    words--in a place where there is nothing else we can count on." (Elisabeth Elliot)

    I'm sure once the twins are potty-trained, you'll be out about like before! :)

  2. I hear you Kari! This has been something that I have had to deal with since I had the twins and then Eva! I constantly battle with the thoughts that I am not doing enough for my kids because I simply can't take them to the park by myself. How can one be in three places in the same time? Gabriel and Selah are so social with so much energy. We take lots of walks around the neighborhood and that seems to help a little.

    I agree, it is a season that we are going through and sometimes a very lonely season.

    Hang in there, it will get better!

  3. I often feel that way, with only one!! I am starting to fear how it will be with two. I feel lonely and I try to get out every day, but I also work from home, which makes it harder to leave for long. I worry that I'm not doing enough for Ethan, and wonder how it will be when we add one more.