Monday, May 9, 2011

Contemplating...

I am taking a moment to write about current thoughts on my mind. 

Paul and Rachel.  They are our adoptive embryo couple from California, that flew up tonight and tomorrow at 2:45pm, will have 2 baby embryos implanted inside of Rachel. 

Then she will be on bed rest for two days in her hotel room, and they will leave Thursday evening. 
It takes me back 2 + years ago, to when I was about to go in to have baby embryos implanted in me.  Mallory & Lena.  I saw pictures of the 5 day old fertilized eggs on a screen, as they carefully placed them through a tube inside of me.  It happened so fast, and 9 days later I found out through a blood test I was pregnant. 

I so badly want Paul and Rachel to have an amazing success story through this treatment.  I don't want them to be the couple that receives the call to let them know Rachel is not pregnant, and that she will have to try again.  I don't want to hear that two of the little baby embryos of the 8 remaining didn't make it.  I would be heart broken for them, and for the little lives that didn't survive. 

You know, I can go back and forth on the whole moral dilemma that wraps around invitro, and wonder did we handle things right?  Maybe we shouldn't have done it this way, or should have done it this way.  But when we started the process, we knew that if there were any remaining, that when we decided we were done growing our family, that we would give the rest up for adoption through Bethany's snowflake program.  That is something we have 100% peace on.  And knowing how hard this can be for a couple aching for a family, to trust God with the hopes of having a baby(ies) and waiting to see what will happen...

I just never realized to the fullest extent how much each of these little ones have a face have a name, until I met my little girls.  God let us have two, named Mallory and Lena.  I just wonder if the rest of them will make it when it comes time for their dethawing, and hoping and praying for the greatest success for each one. 
Praying for the lives that the surviving ones will lead - praying that they will grow up to be beautiful women and strong men of God - men and women that love Jesus - that want to serve Him with their lives.  I know I won't be a part of shaping them and training them hands on, but I will pray for them and I am excited to continue to live my life and see what He does... 

I just keep thinking of my "Mallory Lena" song that played every time I questioned the invitro process as we went through it over a 3 month period...
"I am not skilled to understand, what God has willed what God has planned, I only know at His right hand, stands One who is my Savior." 

I don't know how this will all turn out - I could drive myself crazy with the what ifs, or we should have, but what I do know is that I have a Savior, and He loves us, and He loves Paul and Rachel, and I am just praying that we through our embryos get to play a small part in His big plan of providing them with a family to love and to raise up teaching their children about Jesus through their words and actions and love. 

Praying for Paul and Rachel.  Please if you think about it, pray for them with me - these next 2 weeks are going to be a long wait for them...  but I know that the long wait in everything is what the Lord can use to keep surrendering trusting and seeking Him.  My prayer and heart's desire, is that by this time next year Rachel will be able to celebrate Mother's Day with a baby or two in her arms. 

So grateful for a Savior who sits at the right hand of our Father. 


 Paul and Rachel on Easter Sunday at their church

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