Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Breaking up is hard to do...

Right before my 16th birthday, I got to know Nick. Basic story, when I first met him 6 months prior I was not interested in this 5 foot 3 inch homeschooled boy that came to our youth group on a student leadership night. Having my best friend tell me that he looked like my little brother sealed the deal. I told God at that moment, "I will never like him." I love how God knows so much better than we do.

That summer before my 16th birthday, I went through some choices that were not the best decisions of my life. I pursued a relationship, behind my parents back because I knew they would not be okay with the things I was wanting in it. I gave my first kiss away, and many more after. I have many regrets, mostly because of how I didn't treat this guy as a brother in the Lord. I was selfish, craving the affection and attention. I didn't really know him, I just knew that he liked me and I liked him. I so wish I could have done things differently there. I wish I could have treated him the way he deserved to be treated, as some one's future husband.

God intervened that summer through my brother, and through the information he provided them, my parents found out about the relationship and I was grounded for a month. Grounded from friends and youth group, and helping in worship band. My dad wanted to make it clear that if I wasn't honoring my parents that I should not be up front leading others in worship when my walk with the Lord was not where it needed to be.

My dad did let me go to summer camp. Unfortunately I still went behind my parents back at camp. But God was at work. the last night we had communion around the campfire. I was sitting next to the guy, and I looked around at everyone. So many people were goofing off, talking, not paying attention. Then Nick caught my eye. There he was, praying with his head bowed, clearly seeking the Lord. At that moment, I realized that was what I wanted in my life. I wanted to be close with the Lord again. To have a heart after God, like Nick had right in front of me.

The next morning I knew what I had to do. I let go of the relationship with my first boyfriend, and I went home and confessed everything to my parents. I was on board with them on obeying them. And it was still painfully hard that month, surrendering everything. But this time it was my decision and I knew it was what I was supposed to do. In the meantime, God was at work in ways I was not expecting.

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